Use caution when closing your online dating profile.
In the summer of 2013, I was in the midst of moving from Southern California to my home state of New Jersey. I know, WTF was I thinking?! That in itself is a separate story that I intend on posting. Moving as we all know is a pain the ass. Everyone’s scenario is different, but for the most part, it’s all the same: pack our belongings, close the utilities, clean the home, coordinate the movers, blah, blah, blah.
My move was relatively simple. I had to worry about me, myself, and I. I had been divorced since 2004 with no kids. My main concerns were packing all of my stuff into a Pod (something I highly recommend), have my cars shipped, and sell my condo. Selling real estate is not stress-free, but I decided to short sell and move on with the next chapter of my life.
My belongings were en route to the East Coast and the short sale was going to take longer than expected according to the realtor. I decided to spend a month with my brother in Hoboken and head back to CA to finalize the short sale of the condo when the time came.
My new job would not start until February 2014, so I planned to play golf, date, eat/drink to my heart’s content. This was a time I would NEVER, EVER experience again in my life. Believe me, I was going to have fun. As I mentioned earlier, NJ was my home. I was born and raised in Essex County, went to college for 4 years in Pittsburgh, PA and after graduation I spent some time in NJ before I landed a job that took me to Dallas and then San Francisco in 1995. I never got to indulge in what NYC had to offer. When I would come home for the holidays and saw family and friends, it was always at a bar. Same old scenario, drink with great people and indulge in late-night pizza.
A majority of my family and friends at this time are now married with children. My younger brother in Hoboken was engaged. My Mom and Dad left NJ and retired to Virginia. I never had an issue of being by myself. Galavanting Manhattan is an activity I truly cherish. Regardless if it’s day or night, wandering around the city never got old.
I love trains. Plain and simple. Chicago, Tokyo, NYC, Montréal, I don’t care what city it is, I will choose to take it. I get it, the NY subway is an underground jalopy compared to the other 3 cities’ systems, but what is it that I truly love about them? It’s the people. I love to people watch. To see all walks of life on the train I truly enjoy. There were times I would be on a train packed like sardines and other times I had the entire car to myself, I enjoyed the experience.
Commuting in and out of Manhattan, I would always see a boatload of beautiful women. They were everywhere! In my first few days back I thought to myself, “I am in the mecca of gorgeous women!” Where do I start?! I was a kid in a candy store. I am not shy. I can start a conversation with anyone without the awkwardness of Kevin Arnold asking out Winnie Cooper for the first time.
I am the type of person that learns from my past and if I had made a mistake, I learned from it and made sure I never repeated it. Gone are the days of getting hammered at the bar and hooking up randomly. Gone are the nights of staying out past 2 am. Hell, gone are the nights of staying out past 10:30 pm. Gone are the times of waiting 3 days to call her. Regarding lessons what have I learned about dating? One of the important lessons in which has paid off big dividends is to never leave her in the dark. If I had a great time, I will call (not text) her the next day and tell her. None of this wait 3 days bullshit. I understand texting is the norm now and it was becoming the norm back then. The problem with texting while dating is that the other person gets antsy and jumps to conclusions if he/she doesn’t get an immediate response.
I know full well I wasn’t going to go out with just any beautiful woman as I did in So Cal. That was my downfall. It was about getting laid. What I truly wanted was the college-educated, independent, beautiful woman. I was serious as a heart attack about these qualities. I found myself on 2 dating sites and the hot new play toy at the time, Tinder. I never went out with anyone on Tinder because I was fully vested on this dating site called, How About We.
One day I had lunch plans on the Upper West Side to meet up with a friend I have known since high school, Kerri. As we got on the topic of dating, she asked me, “What dating apps are you on?”. I replied, “Match and…” She cuts me off, “Match?! Get off of that shit! You need to get on How About We?”. Of course I ask what that’s all about and she just says, “Get on it, trust me.” Now who am I to argue with someone who is a keynote speaker, wellness advisor who worked as a magazine editor, had her own talk show on SiriusXM, and made numerous appearances on a National Morning Show?!
Lunch ended around 4 pm and I decided to head back to my brother’s in Hoboken. As soon as I got home I created a profile and I had a date at a rooftop bar at 8 pm! Holy shit Kerri was right!
For those of you that don’t know, How About We is a dating site in which you see a photo accompanied by suggestions that complete the phrase, How About We _______? How about we go to the Met? How about we go to a Yankee game? How about we grab a drink at a rooftop bar? How about we get the best gelato in the Village? I enjoyed it because for the most part, the suggestions I saw were really fun. I didn’t have to read 38 paragraphs as I did on Match. Each profile would display the vitals: marital status, level of education, kids, city of residence.
In my case, to quickly filter: I wanted single or divorced, college grad, no kids, wants kids, and lived within a 10-mile radius of Manhattan. Remember, you have a right to be picky! You’re on this planet one time and when it’s time for me to go, I want to say, “This has been one helluva ride!’
Do you remember the episode of I Love Lucy in which Lucy along with Ethel worked the candy conveyor belt? Lucy was responsible for packaging the chocolate as it came down the belt. She was handling everything with ease and then all of a sudden the pace picked up. It frantically got so fast she was eating the chocolate to keep up. That’s how I felt with How About We.
The sheer number in 3 months became exhausting. Regardless if I hooked up or not, all dates started to feel the same. I became robotic. It got to the point where the head bob to My Sharona was a fixture at every date. What’s the head bob? If you’re on a bad date or you’re listening to your significant other babble incessantly till kingdom come, just bob your head to the song My Sharona to pretend you are listening.
December 2013 I decided to scale back and give dating a rest. Christmas was around the corner and everyone would be busy during this time. Now and then I would check the HAW site. I can’t remember if there was a phone app but all I remember is that I checked my profile for messages usually at night before I went to bed.
It got to the point where all the profiles started to look the same…except for one. I saw this beautiful blonde (I’ve been a lifelong fan), above the shoulder-length hair, girl next door look. Single, no kids, a master’s degree. I reached out and she responded a day or two later. We exchanged some text messages and planned to meet at The Tippler in Chelsea Market.
A couple of days beforehand the Blonde canceled. She texted to say that she had to go to Washington, DC for work. I never heard from her after that. Ok, no loss since I had nothing invested. Christmas came and went and before I knew it, April was upon us. I didn’t date much during the winter. It was too cold and miserable for me to go out anywhere. I started my new job in February and was focused on that and moving into my new apartment.
With Spring here 2 things became a priority for me: I had to get my golf game back in shape and get back on the dating scene. For 3 to 4 months, seeing women dressed with more layers than Kenny from South Park is not appealing. I decided to do some spring cleaning regarding my dating profiles. One night as I started to go through the dating sites, I got that feeling in which I didn’t want to experience the numbness of going through tons of profiles. So I decided to close Match.com and HAW. I figured if I was going to meet my future wife/mother of my kids, I wanted it to be in person and not online. I made one last trip around the block with Match and I closed it. I took one more spin with HAW and as I scrolled down to see one last profile…there she was, the Blonde that blew me off. I thought this was strange. Her photos were that gorgeous I had to reach out one last time.
A few days later she responded. She decided to meet up. We decided to meet at the now-defunct Coffee Shop in Union Square on May 4th. I’m horrible with dates but the only way I remember this day is because the staff was dressed up as Star Wars characters…May the 4th be with you! Our waitress was Princess Leia with the hair buns. I walk in and as soon as I laid my eyes upon her, like a Hollywood movie, the whole place stopped and the lights from the heavens shone upon her. Long story short…see the photo below:
First off, thank you for taking the time to read this. This is my very first article on Medium. I am not a writer by profession. I do not have any aspirations to be a writer. My intention for being on Medium is not financial but to simply share my observations and experiences of this journey we call life. Wait! This is called therapy.
I dedicate this article to my Dad who I miss terribly. It was one year ago on April 26, 2019, he unexpectedly passed at the youthful age of 77. I haven’t been the same. I am my father…except in the kitchen, I get those skills from my Mom. It was my Dad who told me after meeting Danielle, “She’s the one.”
Again, thank you. More to come. Be safe.
Froi
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